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It’s despicable, manipulative, selfish behavior — and something we’re all want to pursue, but I haven’t formally broken up with them because why close that door if you don’t have to?

” Billy will take too long to respond to texts, always with an apology about how crazy work has been, then send two or three photos he’s taken just to make the exchange seem substantive.

Maybe it seems like I just don’t want to be an asshole, but to me it’s just The irony, of course, is that benching, while superficially polite, is far more insidious than simply ghosting or — if you’re old-school — offering an icy brush-off.

“He wants to feel good about himself, so he won’t ghost or break up with you,” Jean says, “but it’s worse than being the asshole.

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It wasn’t until I started seeing someone I was on the fence about that I understood what was going on.

After two dates, I couldn’t quite decide what I was feeling for this person — whether we would never see each other again or become friends or maybe date down the line — but I didn’t want to end the conversation either.

I would put on a smiling face and say hello and ask how he was doing, and he’d have no reason to do anything but the same.” The bencher can walk around feeling like his karmic balance is fully in equilibrium — what’s the worst thing someone can say about him? Really, benching is just the modern incarnation of what we used to call leading someone on.“Maybe they’ll text them to get a quick ego stroke.But I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman who does this to a new guy she’s ambivalent about seeing.” Conor agrees: “Women, for the most part, still subscribe to the traditional dating idea that if the guy doesn’t reach out, it won’t happen.If you’re ghosted, you get to go through all the stages of grief.But when someone disappears and then continues to text you, you don’t even get that.

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