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I was having a pop at someone who I’d left, who wasn’t able to meet my needs, and who I was now very unhappy with for not pandering to my ego and making me feel better about my decision. You did mean something to them but you may have different ideas of what that should be and even so, it doesn’t mean they have to chase you around.

They probably do miss you and hopefully it’s for the right reasons but sometimes, as many a Baggage Reclaim reader can attest to, they miss you for the however, whatever the reasons are for someone missing you that doesn’t mean that it’s right for them to chase you or try to get back together – if you didn’t think the relationship was working, it was with good reason.

If they’ve moved on and we haven’t, it will eat away at us and if they haven’t changed (or we think they have with someone else) or we ultimately don’t end up hearing from them, it’s felt as a blow to our self-esteem. One day I got him on the phone and I let rip and we had an awful argument which I managed to do with clenched teeth in a low voice in the office.

Of course when they have and we haven’t, or we deem it ‘too soon’, we think, One of the lessons I learned from my various relationships is that we’re not clones of each other and that just because we share a relationship with someone and may even believe that we think alike and that we’re ‘soulmates’, it doesn’t mean that we can’t each have very different ideas about how we should behave after the breakup, and one of the biggest sources of friction is where we think that the other party isn’t ‘considering our feelings’.

While I certainly feel that there’s a respectful period, particularly where mutual friends are concerned when it’s the ‘done thing’ not to flaunt your new relationship or your happy single life, there is a limit and a line that shouldn’t be crossed. You will also find that if you found it tricky to control them of it.

That’s not because they don’t care; it’s because the relationship is over.

Let go of your expectations of validation from them and validate Even if they didn’t or don’t care about you, it’s time you start caring about yourself.

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